Chep’s Lost Voice

Chep hasn’t had a voice in a while. I have been operating on a lot of borrowed energy of which i don’t know where I’m borrowing from but hoping it doesn’t come to bite me in the ass later. My meds have been helping I must say like 90%. Overall there is no pain apart from those stubborn out of nowhere pains that attack someone like now my left face is aching…and no, not my head my face. My nerves have also been tingling here and there especially on some toes and fingers/fingertips causing sometime excitement and curiosity and sometimes just plain discomfort. Oh…strange thing I’ve noticed. Irritability to loud noises, not music but sounds( cars and etc.) and people, their loudness makes me want to punch someone.

Anyway, back to my ultra-power mode. this is because of my high dosage of Lyrica – if you are taking it, you know what I’m talking about, if not let me explain. The drowsiness is at the peak of its game. All your body wants to do is rest and sleep. At night, you don’t sleep, you blackout (not complaining on account of my previous insomnia cases). Waking up is a fight. your eyes don’t want to open and your body is at rest and uncooperative. PS: the mornings are refreshed just not wakable. When you do literally drag your body out of bed, your body goes into the ultra-power mode. I even had to pause my aerobics. I can barely jump. I feel as if I’m leaving my body behind while trying to exercise.

To me, ultra mode is the lesser of two evils compared to pain. I am a pusher so I push myself to get things done and say no to sleep at any time apart from night-time and Sundays. My Sundays are best described in the image below.

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That said, that is not my lack of voice but my fibro fog – Fibro fog is the feeling of being in a haze. This and related symptoms can vary from mild to extreme and may occur on and off. Overstimulation, stress, poor sleep, and certain medications can cause them to worsen.

Not every fibromyalgia sufferer will experience all fibro fog symptoms, which include:

  • Forgetfulness
  • Memory difficulties
  • Decreased alertness
  • Inability to focus/stay focused
  • Confusion
  • Lack of concentration

Now I have been experiencing a case of the above intertwined with forgetfulness and inability to focus holding the prime spot. I can’t concentrate enough to save my life. If I don’t write it down, it’s as good as forgotten. I’ve had so much to say but no concentration enough to finish 200 words. This is a miracle article. This is my next discussion with my doctor this week. I’ve also been looking into Ginkgo Biloba on where I can get the real leaves because all I seem to see are supplements( I’ve never been a fan of supplements). Gingko and Ginseng , I want to add these two old plants into my diet but first, let me jot down on my notebook to ask my doctor if I can take them with meds since they tend not to agree with a lot of meds.

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Fibro fog has really messed with my life big-time considering I’m a person who rarely forgets(apart from people’s names) and I write and read a lot. I have to say I’m yet to finish the 50th page of the book I started at the beginning of the month, a book I finish in less than 4 days on a busy schedule. My first over 200 words of the month 🙁 . It even takes me two or three days to finish a movie because I can’t concentrate long enough to finish it. My serial texting has been reduced by 80%, either I forget I was texting or forget the person totally to even text them or simply just can’t . I really hate what it is turning me to. I have to have a notebook with me to note everything. I’m even angrier with every forgetful moment. Its emotionally and mentally draining. A lot of nights I go to bed angry. Angry at fibromyalgia for choosing me, angry at my meds for not dealing with it, angry at my body for having fibromyalgia, angry at myself for the draining fibro fog. I may not show it but I feel it. It hasn’t stopped me from living my life ,just slowed me down and made me numb in order to control my emotions. I’m now an ultra-mode zombie mayfly. This cannot be my quicksand.

 

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LindaAfya is our platform as warriors to create and raise awareness on health issues both chronic and invisible illnesses that affect us. #YourVoiceMatters #MyHealthMyResposibility

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