Walking minding my business(read music blasting through my earphones) I literally bump into a former high school friend of mine. She is all yappy and excited to see with hugs and all as I try to remember her name.( I’m so bad with names one of these days I will look at my ID and wonder whose name that is). She insists we catch up at the nearest coffee house and I reluctantly oblige.
As she chats away as to how good I look and I must be doing well till I am apparently glowing I quietly smile. She asks me where I am from and I automatically lie. There is no way am telling her I’m from the doctors lest she makes a mountain out of an anthill. There is an excruciating pain on my left side and I feel like someone is pulling my ovaries out as we speak and laugh. I must be getting really good at hiding this because not only has she noticed but she says I’m glowing. The more she chats she more I zoom on and off. Then she catches my attention when she says she thinks she is expectant because she doesn’t remember the last time she had her periods. So I asked if she never notices when the day comes and she says,’ they come very punctually and quietly’. Questions now running through my mind,’ what are quiet periods coz mine come with a trumpet and a stampede of charging elephants days before my actually period and during, the elephants invite their rhino friends to come chant around the bonfire that is me. Never have I experienced quiet periods. I was angry, angry at myself and at God.
At those moments I keep asking, why me? what exactly did I do wrong to deserve this? What purpose does my pain serve? Does this ever end… All this has brought up my earlier visit to the docs and the kilogrammes of pain meds now in my bag. At that moment, I excuse my early departure and leave. Before I leave, I go to the counter, sip some water with some strong painkillers…this is no longer for the physically pain but I need a high and certain numbness to forget and crush the painful thoughts in my head….earphones on, and I’m off to bliss.